Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
