There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
