How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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