Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
