He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
