you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
They have beer where we have blood.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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