You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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