sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
