If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
