So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Come on in and take your pants off
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