Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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