I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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