I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
