i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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