he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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