You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
