Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
