I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
