but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
