just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
