I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
