WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
