There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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