I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
