ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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