you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
