Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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