Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
