i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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