There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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