so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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