I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
