That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Your dad touched me again.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
