No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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