Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's shark week go big or go home
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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