Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
