i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
