So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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