Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
