I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
