did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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