i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
They have beer where we have blood.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
