I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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