drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
