If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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