I think i peed on brittanys purse
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
