we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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