if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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