I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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