I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
