K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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