If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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