Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My vagina is officially offended.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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