I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
jump out the window naked night went bad
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
