i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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