My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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