Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
