Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
